Chapter 3
The Developing Teens
The following winter Colin and Paul learned to dance. They went to the local dance school and took about six beginners lessons at half a crown a go. They met a couple of girls there and courted them for short time. This was the time of the Suez crisis and petrol had just been rationed. One of the girls was American and her father had a large Yankee car. The ration was about two gallons a week and he could only run it to town once a week.
An the evening of their last dancing lesson they said goodbye to their new dancing partners and went to the local dance hail. Both of them managed one dance. It took an enormous act of courage to walk up to a good-looking girl and ask her to dance, but after the first time it became easy. Throughout that winter they went dancing at least once every week. It was normally Saturday night when the dance hall was packed. Jiving was rarely allowed and Rock and Roll was in its infancy. You had to waltz or foxtrot or quickstep. But at least you got to talk to your partner.
Mostly they went together and then competed to see how many different girls they could dance with. The record was about twenty-four but then you had to walk a girl home and then another three miles to your own home. They were not short of exercise. Inevitably they both started courting and their time together gradually decreased.
One night Colin met a fellow from early school days and while chatting they picked up a couple of girls. They went out as a foursome for several months. One day he saw his girlfriend without her make-up and was shocked by the state of her skin. At eighteen years she had a texture worse than many forty year olds. This was due entirely to excessive make-up. He quite liked the girl but his friends thought he went with her only for a good lay. This was not true but he never disabused them. Again he avoided the issue.
He had no problem with sex with this girl. He liked her company but did not fancy her so had no guilt or hidden tensions. Eventually they got bored with each other and agreed to quit. But it was then he discovered he was scared stiff to go looking again. He tried desperately to hang on to their relationship even though he had no passion for her. That was the first occasion on which he had great difficulty letting go. He did not understand what was going on at the time and has not really understood it since. It was to prove a repetitive pattern.
After about three months he was introduced to another girl who was to become his wife. He forgot the previous one. There was no great passion in their relationship. They were introduced at a dance by one of his former girlfriends and got on well enough. He liked her well enough but had reservations about her family. Mother was fine and brother had been crossed in love and spent most of his life in pubs.
Father was a big guy with no purpose in life whatsoever. His prime purpose in life was to avoid doing anything. He attended his place of employment regularly and went to the club regularly; but nothing else. Colin was wary of his ethics. He could not explicitly explain what he meant at that time, but he was always uneasy.
The relationship wandered along and they decided to get married, mainly because everyone else they knew was getting married. Colin was happy with this because it meant he would get his end away. Despite a number of girlfriend he had never managed this and he had become quietly resigned. He also knew that a number of his friends hadn’t either. But he also knew some who had. He avoided the thinking about the issue.
That summer Colin and Paul went away together. They knew it was likely to be their last holiday as bachelors so they went to Butlins. In those days the camps were quite clearly, although unofficially, divided. One side was for families and children. The other was for teenagers and was simply a gigantic knocking shop. The sex was not blatant or crude but rather more readily available than in most British homes which were still ruled by a Victorian morality. The Sixties freedoms were only Will-O’-the-Wisps on a distant horizon.
They joined with another group of lads and had a very good week. Colin drank Pepsi for the first time in his life. Strange taste. They played ten-pin bowling and actually played bingo once. They watched a rigged wrestling match and then sipped disgusting lager-and-lime sitting next to the glass walled swimming pool and watching the girls swim by. They learned why the Breast Stroke is so named.
They spent most of the time next to the outdoor swimming pool getting a good tan and chatting up two girls from Essex. They went dancing as a foursome in the evenings and generally got on well together. On the penultimate evening they split into couples without having to make any spoken arrangements. Paul took his girl to their chalet and Colin took his to the boys chalet. He and the girl soon snuggled down to kissing and cuddling. In the manner of holiday romances their passions were heightened by the deadline of separation looming quickly near. They had become quite good friends and there was a definite spark between them.
Soon his embrace ventured to explore her body with his hand. He rubbed her back and her buttocks and her legs. When he drifted her skirt slowly up her legs she turned slightly to make it easier for him. He ran his hand up her legs until he reached the coldspot at the top of her thighs. Girls always had a cold area near the top of their legs. It contrasted vividly with the welcoming warmth just above. She winced a little. Her legs were sunburned and his touch needed to be delicate. He carefully avoided the burned areas. He placed his hand on her mound. He pressed gently. Her knickers were warm and damp.
He carefully pulled aside her panties and slid two fingers inside her. She was wet and hot and slippy and very welcoming. The smell of woman was good. It was at this point he realized he had stopped kissing her. The thought bothered him but could not understand it. He kissed her again but suddenly there was no response. The girl was obviously experienced and willing but suddenly there was a barrier between them. Perhaps he was too slow for her. Perhaps he had charmed her far beyond where she had intended to go. Perhaps she feared getting pregnant. Perhaps she feared her own passion. She said nothing.
Suddenly, without a word, her hand pushed his away and she jumped out of the bed and ran out of the door. Colin was bewildered. Everything had seemed right. He had done all the right things and, inexperienced as he was, had courted her well. She was obviously equally keen. He could not understand. He knew only that once again he had had a perfect opportunity and had failed to get his end away. He could not for the life of him see what he had done wrong, only that he had failed again.
The four met again the following day in an atmosphere tinged with uncertainty, apology and awareness of impending separation. She attempted a sort of apology, or excuse, by telling him that she had started her period. He did not know if that was true or just a good way of putting off any more approaches. Considering the difficulty of the circumstances they had a good last day together.
Later they wrote to each other over several months and arranged to meet just after Christmas. But by this time Colin was engaged to his girlfriend and he never did meet his holiday romance again. But the intensity of their romance had shown him a new side to himself and set in train a sequence of thoughts and events which were to continue for thirty years with tragic consequences.
Colin was coming close to being an adult. A little more thought, experience and application and he would do fine. Although very insecure and shy, out of the crowd, he was beginning to see a way ahead.